The Best Day Ever
by puppylover27
Summary: Two-bit and Sodapop are trying to give Dally the best day ever for his birthday, but things don't turn out to well... Written in honor of Dally's birthday (November 9th). Happy birthday Dally! The Outsiders belongs to S.E Hinton, and I'm 87% sure that the title belongs to a Spongebob episode. Correct me if I'm wrong on that... Rated T for language. One-shot.


**This was written in honor of Dally's birthday, happy birthday Dally!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own The Outsiders or any of the quotes I used in this from a certain abridgement series (I'll give you a cookie if you can guess which one!). (The quotes were changed slightly to fit with The Outsiders).**

**Warning: Cussing, a lot of F words. It is Dally we're talking about so… Yeah. Hope you enjoy!**

**Dally's POV:**

XXX Wake up Time XXX

"Shhhhh, you're gonna' wake him up," I heard someone whisper. I couldn't tell who it was though.

"He just moved he's already awake! What is he doing here anyway?" I recognized the voice of Two-bit's sister shouting.

I opened my eyes. "Happy birthday!" Two-bit and Sodapop shouted in unison. I looked around for a second to find out where I was, which happened to be Two-bit's house. Two-bit's sister rolled her eyes and walked upstairs.

"Two-bit, how the fuck did I get here?" a sudden pain throbbed on the back of my head. "And why the hell does the back of my head hurt?"

"Well," Two-bit started, "you refused to spend the night at my house; so me and Soda waited until you fell asleep at his house, and then picked you up and threw you in the car. Sadly though, you woke up halfway to the car so we had to hit your head to knock you out. Then we brought you here!"

"Why did you bring me here?"

"To celebrate your birthday!"

"Why not celebrate it at the Curtis' house?"

Two-bit and Soda looked at each other for a minute in realization. "We didn't think of that," Soda said.

I rolled my eyes at them. "And I told you I didn't wanna' celebrate my birthday, it's stupid when people do that."

"You know," Two-bit started saying in his matter-of-fact voice, "that 83% of people who say they don't wanna' celebrate their birthday actually secretly do."

"Maybe for women," I muttered.

"Then that suits you perfectly!" Soda shouted.

I glared at him, but before I could do anything else, Two-bit started talking again. "Yeah, we tried to get some other people to come celebrate it with us, but Darry has work, Ponyboy's on that field long field trip for school all day, Johnny is unfindable at the moment, and Steve has to work, but then he'll join us!"

"Actually Steve has to work double, so he won't be coming," Soda spoke up.

"Why double?" Two-bit asked.

"'Cause I'm not showin' up today!" Soda said happily.

"Yay!" They shouted at the same time.

"Now let's go have some breakfast!"

XXX Breakfast Time XXX

"Now we get to have pancakes!" Two-bit shouted.

"Why the fuck are they green?"

"I helped make them!" Soda said happily," I told Two-bit he shouldn't put the Mountain Dew in the batter, but he didn't listen."

I took one bite out of one right before Soda said he put mountain Dew in them and nearly gagged. "These pancakes are awful!"

"Two-bit this is all your fault!" Soda shouted

"But you told me to do it!"

"Liar!"

XXX Butterfly House Time XXX

"Now it's time to see the world!" Two-bit said.

"Then why are we at the butterfly house?" Glory he's on my nerves; and it's not even noon. This better be a prank…

"Well," Two-bit started yet again, "the evil butterfly king is plotting to make all the butterflies steal butter, and make it fly. But we like butter, and if they make all of it fly, then what are we gonna' eat? Dirt, that's what! So here's what we do; we have to go into the butterfly house in disguises, AKA 'tourists' and get all the butterflies attention by getting a bunch of pots and pans and banging them around, and you know butterflies are attracted to noise –"

"How the fuck do you know that?"

"I don't. And when that doesn't work, we'll get a bunch of fruit and chuck it at them, 'cause butterflies like fruit –"

"Are you that much of an idiot?"

"– and then they'll eat all the fruit –"

"That answers the question."

"– and be so grateful that they'll do whatever we say, and then first we'll get them to dance for us, but then we'll get them to kill the butterfly king! But since they'll all be under our command they'll follow us around and stuff and that'll get annoying, so then we have to kill them all, and you like killing things so this'll be enjoyable for you!"

"Two-bit, I'm two seconds away from punching the daylights outta you."

"His mom got free tickets and they expire today," Soda said simply.

"Go fuck yourself, Soda!" Two-bit shouted.

XXX Beating Time XXX

"Two-bit, I think you're the only one who can manage to get kicked out of the butterfly house," I said as we were walking back to the car.

"Hey, that butterfly started it, "Two-bit argued.

"All it did was land on your shoulder!" Soda said.

"It startled me is what it did!"

"This day is ridiculous! Can you just drop me off somewhere where I can get away from you?" I asked.

"Which one of us?"

"Both."

"Well we could drop you off somewhere like that, but then you'll miss out on the beating were about to give," Two-bit said as we got in his car.

"A beating?"

"Yes, a beating," Soda answered.

"So will you stay with us, or go out all on your lonesome?"

"Fine, but this better not suck, or else I'm ditching you."

XXX

"I'm ditching you," I said once we were at the Curtis' place.

"Have you ever actually beaten an egg before?" Two-bit asked while holding a whisk.

"No, and I'm not trying," I said and headed for the door.

"Aw, come on Dally, it might be fun," Soda said while putting on a chef's hat.

"Have either of you even beaten an egg before?"

"No, but that's the fun part!"

"And besides, we didn't exactly eat breakfast this morning, and we're very hungry," Two-bit said.

"No way, I'll just get something else to eat somewhere else."

"Without your wallet?"

I stopped. "What are you talking about? I said and checked my pocket for my wallet, but it wasn't there. "Where the fuck is my wallet?" I angrily walked toward Two-bit. "Where the fuck did you hide it?"

"I'll never tell."

I grabbed a fistful of his shirt. "If you don't give me back my wallet in two seconds, I swear Matthews, I'm gonna' make sure you don't see the light of day."

"I'll give it back to you once you beat an egg with us." I raised my fist. "You won't get your wallet back by beating me up, it's not on me right now. It's in a hiding place that your never gonna' find."

I glared at him again for another minute, but let him go. He's a stubborn son-of-a-bitch, and so is Soda. "Fine, I'll beat an egg in you."

"With us."

"Whichever one."

"Deal! Now come on let's go to the kitchen!" he said while leading us there.

"Do either of you even know how to beat an egg?" I asked.

"Not a clue," they said in unison.

XXX Party at Buck's Time XXX

"There Two-bit, I beat an egg with you two, now can you please give me my wallet back?"

"Were we supposed to crack the egg before we hit it with this metal thing?" Two-bit asked, ignoring the fact that I said anything.

"That might be the problem. Plus I think we were supposed to put it in some kind of recipe or something," Soda said.

"No shit," I said. "Now can I have my fucking wallet back so I can get the hell away from you?"

"One more thing," Two-bit said, "We just have to –"

"No! I'm sick of you two today! It's already five o'clock and we haven't done a single thing that's illegal! Now give me my fucking wallet back!"

"Yeah Two-bit, he'll need it for where were going next," Soda spoke up.

"And where do you think I'm gonna' go with you to?"

"Party at Bucks! Come on Dally, we know you were gonna' go there anyway; you might as well come with us!"

"Well I _was_ gonna' go to it, but now I'm not."

"Aw come on Dally, are you gonna' be that much of a candy ass? You're not getting your wallet back if you say yes," said Two-bit.

"Matthews, I'm gonna' say this one more time," I grabbed a fistful of his shirt again, "Give me my damn wallet back!"

"Will you go to Buck's with us?"

"If I say yes will you stop being so fucking annoying?"

"No promises."

I rolled my eyes and let go of him. If I can just get my wallet back I can ditch them… "Fine, whatever, I'll go."

"To the Two-bit-mobile!"

"You mean the piece-of-crap-mobile?"

XXX

"Ok were at Buck's, now can I have my damn wallet back?" I asked.

"You didn't say the magic word," Soda said.

"Curtis, do you want your head to go up your ass?"

"Not particularly, no."

"Then I suggest you give me my damn wallet back!"

"Yeah Two-bit, I think we've hidden it from him long enough. Where've you been hiding it all day anyway?"

"That's a good question, I don't know," he said.

"What!? You're saying you made e do all this shit today and you don't even know where my fucking wallet is?"

"Pretty much. I did hide it, but I can't seem to remember where I put it."

"Well you better start remembering in about two seconds, 'cause otherwise –"

"Oh wait I remember! It's at my house! Ha-ha. Well, looks like we'll head back there when were done here. Come on, let's go get drunk!"

"If we get drunk then how the hell are we supposed to get back to your house?"

"Um… Soda stay sober! There, problem solved."

I sighed. "Just go get me a beer. I'm really gonna' need it tonight."

"Coming right up darling!"

"Two-bit, never say that again," Soda and me said.

XXX

"Hey Winston, what's up?" Tim Shepard asked

"Nothin' really," I lied. If Shepard actually found out what I've done today…

"That's not true!" Two-bit broke in. Oh glory no… "We went to the butterfly house!" That's it. I'm killing him tonight. I don't care how drunk he is, now Shepard's never gonna' let me have an end to it.

"Really now?" Tim said looking amused, "That would've been a sight to see."

"Yeah, but then Curtis," he pointed to Soda who was in the background talking to someone, "got us kicked out of there so we went back to his house and beat an egg. All in honor of Dally's birthday!" I closed my eyes and tried to keep my cool. Buck said he'd have my head if I got one more blood stain in this place. I can easily take Buck, but he probably wouldn't let me back in here.

"Alright Two-bit, I think you've had enough to drink tonight," I took the beer from him. If he drinks anymore he's gonna' be tellin' Tim _way_ too many secrets.

"Getting kicked out of the butterfly house? That's a new one to add to your list of things-you-get-kicked-ot-of Winston," Tim started looking amused.

"Yeah, I'd love to tell you all about how _Matthews_ got us kicked out of the butterfly house, but we have to get going."

"Aw, but we just got here!" Two-bit complained. I ignored him and started to walk out. It's almost guaranteed Shepard's gonna' be givin' me hell all night about the butterfly house incident; and I really don't need that right now.

I started walking to the sidewalk, determined to get away from those two idiots. We may be in a gang together, but you can only take so much stupidity per day; and trust me, I'm over the limit.

"Hey Dally, where ya goin'?" I heard either Two-bit or Soda call out. But I was already on the side of the road by then. Their lucky I decided not to go beat the living daylights outta' them yet.

XXX

After about five minute of me leaving, they, of course, started following me.

"Come on Dally, get in the car," Two-bit was saying from the passenger side.

"Both of you better get the fuck outta' here if ya know what's good for ya," I said.

"Come on Dally, we can do this the easy way or the hard way."

"What do you mean by 'the hard way'? What the fuck do you think you can do to make me come with you?"

"Easy! Like this!" He took an empty glass beer bottle and hit it on the back of my head at the same throbbing spot he must have hit me last night. And after that, everything went black.

XXX Cake and Present Time XXX

"Hey Lily, can you start talking again? I think that's what got him to wake up last time," I heard Two-bit saying.

"Gosh, you're such a jerk Two-bit!" his little sister shouted at him as I slowly opened my eyes.

"Hey look it worked!" Two-bit pointed to me while he and Soda started laughing. Then she chucked a giant book at his face so hard he fell to the floor. He was still laughing is ass off anyway.

"Ha-ha head shot!" Soda laughed. I had to crack a smile at that.

His sister huffed and stormed upstairs again.

Once he got up again I picked up the book and chucked it at his face again in the same place.

"That's for hitting me with that damn bottle again," I said.

"Glory, you guys are gonna' break my nose tonight if you do that again."

"Aw but I didn't get to do it," Soda said.

"Too bad! Now come on Dally, we only have two hours before my ma gets home and makes us stop drinkin' beer! And it's time for cake and presents!"

"I'm not five, Two-bit."

"Well I know that, five year olds don't drink beer!"

XXX

"– Happy birthday to you!" they finally finished singing.

"Come on Dally, blow out your candles!" Two-bit said excitedly. I glared up at him. "Do I need to hit you with a bottle again?"

"If you even try I'm gonna' beat the shit outta' you," I warned.

"Alright, alright. Just blow out the candles! Do you need a demonstration?"

"I know how to blow out a fucking candle."

"Breathe in, and then blow out, like this," he sucked in a big breath, then blew out all the candles. "Whoops… Oh well, let's eat! Then we can open presents!"

XXX

"Mom's gonna' kill you when she gets home," Two-bit's little sister told him.

"Ok, so maybe we got in a little food fight over the last piece but… She'll understand, won't she?"

"No," all three of us said in unison.

"Damn. Oh well, we still have an hour and a half before she gets home. Now let's start opening presents!"

Lily shook her head and walked upstairs again, muttering, "the boy needs help," or something like that.

Sodapop grabbed a big _pink_ bag and handed it to me. I stared at him for a minute and rolled my eyes.

"It's a lovely leather jacket!" he announced as I pulled it out.

"Isn't this the same leather jacket I was wearing before you guys knocked me out?"

"No…"

Before I could say something else Two-bit grabbed the next little _pink_ bag and handed it to me.

"It's a beautiful worn out wallet!" Two-bit said as I pulled out the wallet _he_ stole from me.

I opened up the wallet and checked inside of it, then looked back up at him. "Where was the five I had in this?"

Two-bit sighed and pulled the five dollar bill out of his pocket and handed it back to me.

"Is there anything you have to give me that _isn't_ mine already?"

"Of course! This one's from me and Soda!" he pulled out yet another big _pink_ bag and handed it to me.

I pulled out some weird pink flowy thing. "It's a magnificent, pretty pink tutu!" Two-bit shouted.

"Are you serious?"

"There's a matching boa in there too," Soda added.

They both bursted into laughter. Probably because of the look on my face right now.

"Yeah, I'm probably gonna' have nightmares about you in a tutu now," Two-bit said.

"Yeah, that's about as exciting as it gets," Soda said while wiping a tear from his eye.

"So did enjoy your birthday today?" Two-bit asked.

"Oh, I'll show you just how much I enjoyed it alright," I stood up and started walking over to them, then raised my fist.

**A/N: Aw poor Dally. Oh well, he at least got some good memories out of it. Sort of… And if you read my story Two-bit's Crazy Dreams, you might get the reference with the tutu thing. **

**I know Dally's probably pretty OOC, sorry about that. I love Dally so much, but I have the hardest time trying to write anything involving him and trying to make it funny at the same time. Hopefully I somewhat did good characterization with the other two? And did you think he writing was too choppy at all? I always have a little trouble with that…**

**I'm pretty sure that there was a butterfly house made in the 1960's, but I don't know if it was in Tulsa so… Just go with it.**

**Please review! I know this is only a one-shot, but I wanna' know if it's worth keeping up on the site or not so… PLEASE!**


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